We will begin this section by considering the position of those who are single at the point of baptism. We have discussed in Study 5.3 the need to marry only baptised believers. There are a few passages which encourage those who are single at least to consider the option of remaining single so as to commit themselves totally to the Lord’s work (1 Cor. 7:7-9,32-38 cf. 2 Tim. 2:4; Mt. 19:11,12,29; Ecc. 9:9). “But even if you do marry, you have not sinned” (1 Cor. 7:28). Most, if not all, of the apostles were married (1 Cor. 9:5), and marriage as God intended is designed to bring many physical and spiritual benefits. “Marriage should be honoured by all, and the marriage bed kept pure” (Heb. 13:4 NIV). “It is not good that ... man should be alone”, unless he can manage a high level of commitment to spiritual things, and therefore God instituted marriage (Gen. 2:18-24). Therefore, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favour from the Lord ... a prudent wife is from the Lord”. (Prov. 18:22; 19:14)

We are given a balanced summary of the position in 1 Cor. 7:1,2 NIV: “It is good for a man not to marry. But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband” (cf. v 9).

The implication of these verses is that indulgence of sexual desires outside marriage is fornication. Warnings against fornication (sex between unmarried people), adultery (sex where one or both parties are already married to other partners) and any form of immorality are frequent throughout the New Testament; almost every letter contains them. The following are but some of these: Acts 15:20; Rom. 1:29; 1 Cor. 6:9-18; 10:8; 2 Cor. 12:21; Gal. 5:19; Eph. 5:3; Col. 3:5; 1 Thes. 4:3; Jude 7; 1 Pet. 4:3; Rev. 2:21.

In the light of all this repeated emphasis, to fly in the face of God’s clearly expressed will is serious indeed. Whilst God delights to forgive sins of momentary weakness if they are repented of (e.g. David’s adultery with Bathsheba), regularly to do these things can only result in condemnation. Paul frequently spelt this out: “... sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery ... and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the Kingdom of God” (Gal. 5:19,21 NIV), therefore “Flee from sexual immorality (cf. 2 Tim. 2:22). All other sins that a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body” (1 Cor. 6:18 NIV).

It is becoming accepted almost world-wide that young couples can live together before marriage, enjoying full sexual relationships. The use of the term ‘common law marriage’ to describe this is a complete misnomer. Marriage for the believer must be marriage according to God’s definition of it; we cannot let a definition of marriage created by the sensual world around us have supremacy over God’s statements regarding marriage - after all, marriage was instituted by God rather than man. Biblically, marriage is comprised of at least three elements.

1. Some form of marriage ceremony, however simple. The record of Boaz marrying Ruth in Ruth 3:9-4:13 shows that marriage is not a relationship which is just drifted into; there must be a specific moment when one becomes fully married. Christ is likened to the bridegroom and the believers to the bride, whom he will ‘marry’ at his second coming. There will be “the marriage supper of the Lamb” to celebrate this (Rev. 19:7-9). The relationship between husband and wife typifies that between Christ and the believers (Eph. 5:25-30); as there will be a definite point of marriage between us, so there should be a wedding between believers which begins their marriage, typifying the union of Christ and ourselves at the judgment seat.

2. God’s marriage to Israel involved entering into a mutual spiritual covenant of faithfulness to each other (Ez. 16:8), and this should also feature in the marriage of believers.

3. Sexual intercourse is necessary to consummate the marriage (Dt. 21:13; Gen. 24:67; 29:21; 1 Kings 11:2). Because of this, 1 Cor. 6:15,16 explains why intercourse outside of marriage is so wrong. Intercourse signifies, in physical terms, how God has joined a wedded couple together (Gen. 2:24). To be joined as “one flesh” in a temporary relationship is therefore an abuse of the bodies God has given us. He has designed them in order to be able to consummate in physical terms what He has joined together in marriage.

 Those who are baptised, whilst their partner is not, should not leave them (1 Cor. 7:13-15), but rather make every effort to love them, and thus show by their manner of life that they have a genuine belief in the true God, rather than just having changed religions. 1 Pet. 3:1-6 encourages those in this position that doing this can, in itself, be a means of converting the unbelieving partner.

The principles governing marriage are epitomised in God’s statement regarding it: “a man (shall) leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (Gen. 2:24). This striving for unity between man and wife in as many ways as possible is analogous to our continuous effort for unity with Christ, through overcoming the fundamental sin and selfishness of our natures. This striving is against ourselves rather than against Christ or our partner. The more we succeed in this, the happier and more fulfilling our relationship will be.

However, we are living in a real world of sin and failure, of inability to rise up fully to the supreme standards of holiness which are set us in the Bible, and in the example of the love of God and of Christ. The ideal standard set in Gen. 2:24 is of one man and one woman, living together in total unity for life.

Believers must be prepared to accept that sometimes this standard will not be attained both in their own lives and in those of other believers. Husbands and wives may argue and lose that unity of mind which they should have; it may be physically impossible to consummate the marriage; a man may have several wives, taken before his baptism, if living in a society where polygamy is allowed. In this case he should remain with the wives and care for them, but not take any more. The apostle Paul, in a masterful blend of human sympathy and staunch adherence to Divine principles, advised that separation was possible in extreme cases of incompatibility: “... a wife is not to depart from her husband. But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried ...” (1 Cor. 7:10-11).

This stating of an ideal standard, but willingness to accept a lower standard as long as it does not flout a basic Divine principle (e.g. that adultery is wrong), is quite a common feature of Scripture. Paul’s advice in 1 Cor. 7:10-11 is akin to 1 Cor. 7:27,28: “... Are you loosed from a wife? Do not seek a wife (i.e. remain single). But even if you do marry, you have not sinned”. However, wilful divorce after minor disagreements and with no real effort at the marriage would appear to be an institutionalised flouting of God’s principle that man and woman should recognise that He has joined them as one flesh, even if on practical issues they find this hard to put into practice. Christ’s words are painfully plain:

“But from the beginning of the creation, God made them male and female. ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’, so then (Jesus emphasises) they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate (by divorce) ... whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her. And if a woman divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery” (Mk. 10:6-12).

In this whole area of sexual relations, human nature is adept at making plausible excuses to justify the indulgence of the natural desires. Those who find themselves in particularly tempting situations will only find the strength and spiritual stamina which they need from a repeated meditation upon the verses quoted in this section. Some have sought to justify homosexuality and lesbianism as legitimate, natural desires. However, the basic principle of Gen. 2:24 exposes what’s wrong with homosexuality; it is God’s intention that man and woman should marry and be joined to each other. God created woman to be a help for Adam, rather than another man. Sexual relations between men are repeatedly condemned in the Bible. This was one of the sins for which Sodom was destroyed (Gen. 18-19); the apostle Paul makes it very clear that persisting in such practices will incur the wrath of God, and exclude from His Kingdom (Rom. 1:18-32; 1 Cor. 6:9,10).

The fact of having once been involved in such things should not make us feel that we are beyond God’s help. There is forgiveness with God, that He should be given loving reverence by those who experience His forgiveness (Ps. 130:4). The ecclesia at Corinth had its fair share of repentant playboys. “... such were some of you. But you were washed (in baptism), but you were sanctified, but you were justified (by being baptised) in the name of the Lord Jesus ...” (1 Cor. 6:9-11).

The complaint that one has no natural attraction to the opposite sex is effectively an accusation that God is unfair in forbidding us to commit homosexuality, but creates us with that overpowering temptation. God will not let us be tempted above what we can reasonably bear without making a way of escape (1 Cor. 10:13). Through excessive indulgence of any aspect of human desires, one can reach a point where this is naturally what one is like. Thus, an alcoholic or drug addict cannot live without a regular input of certain chemicals; but he is required to change his mental outlook, and with the help of therapy return to a balanced, normal way of living.

Homosexuals must go through the same process. God will confirm men’s efforts in this; if they totally give themselves over to the indulgence of their natural desires, God will treat them as He did Israel of old.

“Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural ones. In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed indecent acts with other men, and received in themselves (i.e. in their bodies) the due penalty for their perversion” (Rom. 1:26,27 NIV).